Life as We Know It

I love these girls with all of me... My life has been forever changed... In fact as I grabbed my coffee and began to type, my oldest daughter (by one minute) Kennedi Ila Johnson, started squirming and needed me to change her diaper. I was glad too.. having a healthy little girl who needs my attention makes my heart overflow with joy. I still can not believe she is mine...still can't believe THEY are mine. Brooklyn Elysse Johnson is sound asleep on her BOPPY, which she loves! Ok, now Kennedi wants to eat..didn't I just feed her? I think I did, but these days they do a lot of that. So feeding her is what I'll do, then little sister will probably want to eat too, so I will continue this BLOG in a few hours or even a few days. However long it takes me to finish it, I'm ok with that...I have two great excuses!

*******************24 hours, 16 feedings, 20 diapers, endless kisses and hugs later****************

I cant not believe it has been 8 weeks since I gave birth to two perfectly healthy little girls. I remember like it was just yesterday that my water broke. In fact, about 4 hours before my water broke, BJ and I were talking about 2011 and talking about what we felt it was going to be for our family. As we talked, God lead us to a scripture we have heard many times, but this time I read it in the MESSAGE translation... Here is what it says...

"Forget about what's happened;
   don't keep going over old history.
Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new.
   It's bursting out! Don't you see it?
There it is! I'm making a road through the desert,
   rivers in the badlands.

Isaiah 43 MSG 

4 hours before I went into labor, this is the scripture we read and declared for our family for 2011. Wow! Many of you have kept up with our journey this past year through my blog...so you know that it hasn't been the easiest year for us as a family. We have been through a lot of ups and downs, highs and lows. In fact, a year ago today, we were pregnant with our first pregnancy where we lost the baby...that was a low... a few months later, that April, we found out we were pregnant...with TWINS...that was a high... I would have to say that there have been more trials than victories in 2010. It was a year filled with uncertainty, heart break, isolation... it was our wilderness. We were ready for a fresh year, a new start, and we embraced that scripture, believing God was going to do something new! And He did... about 15 hours later, two PROMISES came true... On December 30th, I gave birth to TWO healthy little girls. But God didn't wait for the big apple to drop in New York, He brought me my promises at the end of the hardest year of my life. 

On the way to the hospital, I was asked God, why He was choosing to give me these babies so soon? I was only 34 1/2 weeks pregnant and the doctors told us that the ideal week to labor with twins is 36 weeks...so I had some time...it was as though He was right in that car with me, I heard Him say, " Sarah, I am doing a NEW thing in you and BJ, but I am not willing for you to believe that everything you have endured this past year was in vain. This past year was simply the process to your PROMISE and instead of considering this year your worst year yet, you will know it as the BEST year of your life for as long as you live!" I was speechless and yet so full of words, as BJ and I were filming the drive to the hospital, wanting document every moment of this amazing experience.

A few hours later, the doctor let me know that one of the babies, Baby B, (Brooklyn) was no longer head down and that unless she turned we would not be able to deliver her naturally. Another factor was, I was not dilated... my cervix was completely closed. We had our heart set on a natural delivery but after talking with the doctors we felt it was in the best to deliver via C Section. The nurse said to me in that moment, "Sarah, you are doing the right thing, if you were to decide to attempt a natural delivery, we would give you medication to INCREASE the amount and the intensity of your contractions. In order for your body to labor, it must experience pain." 

uh HELLO!!! That spoke right to me. Pain is the very thing that causes us to labor and deliver the promises of God that are inside of us! Our bodies respond to pain by preparing a vessel to deliver. In the same way, God allows pain and trials in our life to prepare a vessel where His promises can come to pass.I don't know what pain you are enduring, what trials you are walking through, but know they are not meant to break you, but position you. God's promises to us will come to pass. They came to pass for me. And although my body did not labor, my body experienced a BURSTING OUT!!! I love how the middle of that scripture in Isaiah says, "it is bursting out." It makes me laugh knowing that the NEW thing that God did that day literally bursted out of me... twice! 

My cervix never dilated, which tells me that my body was not ready to "labor." The doctors explained that there were a lot of women who went into labor that morning because of their water breaking due to the change in the " barometric pressure."Before and during a storm it actually "tugs" or creates a suction on the amniotic sac and can persuade it to rupture. It had snowed the days leading up to that day and because of it there was a change in pressure which caused me to go into labor early.  Although my body wasn't ready to labor, God was ready for some things to come bursting out in my life. What pressures are you facing today? What things are you praying about that you want God to step in and pull out of you? Whatever it is, do not avoid the pressure that you are feeling, instead embrace it. 

 That evening, I gave birth to two healthy baby girls! There was absolutely nothing wrong or premature about them. In fact, the doctors went on and on about how impressed they were with their health. I owe that all to God. He knew what He was doing when He allowed me to deliver my girls almost 6 weeks before their due date. For He was doing something new in me! My life has not been the same since... and it will never be. My heart is full. I am so glad I chose to TRUST Him through this process. I am so glad  I didn't have to know what I know now then in order to trust Him with all of me....

BJ always says, "What God does in the natural, God does in the supernatural." I believe the Lord spoke to me through this process of pregnancy to demonstrate how He works and operates in our lives. He has my best in mind...He has your best in mind... 

           Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
                   don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
   he's the one who will keep you on track.
Don't assume that you know it all.
   Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
   your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor God with everything you own;
   give him the first and the best.
Your barns will burst,
   your wine vats will brim over.

Proverbs 3:5-8MSG

                                      

"Jesus Loves Me This I know, The Bible Tells Me So!"

I As a young girl, I remember singing the song, "Jesus Loves Me." I am sure most of you can remember singing it too! For those of you who haven't heard the song before it goes a lil' something like this... As a matter of fact, let's sing it together! Come on, don't be shy... let's sing it aloud!

                                                    Jesus loves me this I know

                                                    For the Bible tells me so

                                                    Little ones to Him belong

                                                   They are weak, but He is strong

                                                   Yes Jesus loves me, Yes Jesus loves me

                                                   Yes Jesus loves me, the Bible tells me so

I feel like it was just yesterday that I was sitting in Sunday School class belting out the lyrics to that song. The crazy thing about it was, I meant every word. There was no doubt in my mind that Jesus loved me, you want to know why? Because the Bible told me so. No one had to convince me, no one had to force me to believe that what I was declaring was true. But you know, over the years there have been times where I have questioned God's love for me. I am sure you have too. Whether He has not worked out a situation the way you thought He should, if you have lost a loved one, if He didn't answer a prayer the way you hoped He would. Whatever the circumstance, there are times where we might find ourselves doubting God's love for us.

Over the past six months I have to say that my belief and faith in God's love for me has been tried by circumstances and situations that I have walked through, but, they have only made my love for God stronger as I have began to grasp just how great His love for me truly is.  A few months back, BJ and I were laying in bed getting ready to go to sleep, and like most nights we began talking about our day, our future and about things on our mind. As we were laying there I asked him, "Babe, why do you think God allowed us to lose our first baby? Why do you think God called us out of a comfortable season to bring us to a difficult season? Why do you think He decided to bless us with twins in the most uncertain time of our life? Without any hesitation, BJ replied, " Because He loves us!"

Because He loves us! Because He loves us, He will allow us to go through tough times. Because He loves us, He will be silent in times where we think He should speak. Because He loves us, He will correct us and expose things we need to fix in our lives. Because He loves us, He will not let us get out of the wilderness prematurely. Because He loves us, He will never stop pursuing us. Because He loves us, He will always have our best in mind. Because He loves us.

Jesus loves YOU this I know...the Bible tells me so!

"I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."- Ephesians 3:18,19


"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."- John 3:16

"For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations."
- Psalms 100:5

"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
- Romans 5:8

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love"- 1 John 4:16

But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children- Psalms 103:17













 

"I Love Your Journey"

I was talking to my best friend Alyssa on the phone the other day and as I was in the middle of telling her about my "not so normal day," she blurted out, "Sarah, I LOVE YOUR JOURNEY!" It caught me off guard because nothing about my day sounded interesting or exciting enough for her to tell me that she loved my journey. She continued by telling me how my life has inspired her in so many ways. Tears rolled down my face and I was speechless. I had just spent the past few minutes telling her about a tutoring position I picked up for some extra money and how BJ had just passed his "server test" at Olive Garden and how he had been up the night before studying the ingredients that go into Chicken Marsala... nothing about this update was inspiring to me. In fact, it had made me weary and a bit embarrassed (if i could be honest). After all, we are a married couple who has twins on the way. We should have our dream jobs and dream house by now...shouldn't we?


As I sat on the other side of the phone, Alyssa said two words that seemed to be louder than any other word she used when talking about my journey and the effect it has had on her life. She said OBEDIENCE and RISK. 


I realized in that moment that my journey, my life had been a summary of steps of OBEDIENCE and RISK! And unlike sacrifice, when we chose to be obedient, we are simply choosing to act on what God is speaking to us regardless of the pay off. You see, when we are obedient we don't always see the reward right away. When we sacrifice food when fasting, we usually see an immediate reward, answer prayer, etc. But it is much different when it comes to obedience. 


Mark Batterson, in his book, "Wild Goose Chase" says, "sometimes the will of God is IRRESPONSIBLE." I love that statement because it really helps me understand the season I am in... and not only that, but it excites me to know that the uncertainties and the craziness is only a mere result of being in the will of God. Mark Batterson goes on to say , " We feel something is wrong when we experience circumstantial uncertainty, but circumstantial uncertainty goes by another name.... ADVENTURE!" 

When Alyssa made that statement to me it was like a light bulb went on in my spirit. You and I are on a great adventure filled with seasons, moments, jobs, situations, that don't always make sense; but when we understand that this life God has chosen for us to walk in is confusing and complicated at times, we will be able to enjoy the journey rather than curse it. 

I embrace this season not because it is my end result, but because it is a part of my journey, it is a part of my story. In these seasons we grow, we learn, and we gather our weapons that will make us ready for the next. I am so glad my life isn't a cookie cutter, boring life, but instead is filled with uncertainty...filled with adventure! I love my journey too, and today I hope that my honesty has helped you get excited about yours. I know that those who choose to walk in obedience no matter what it looks like, and those who choose to TRUST God in the uncertain times, will truly live the life they were meant to live. 

Let's be risk takers, let's step out and trust God in a new way...let's be people that are willing to walk in the fullness of our purpose and destiny no matter what!!


I love my journey...and I love YOUR journey too!

You Know You Are Pregnant When...

We are 17 1/2 weeks pregnant and I am finally starting to show, or should I say, my belly finally looks like I have babies in it rather than just too much nachos & junk food! My first trimester was not at all what I expected. I was so tired all the time and had a constant nausea. Thankfully, I have not thrown up! But it has been so different than I pictured in my mind. I guess I always imagined being pregnant as a time you always have the "glow" inside and out? I mean, after all, there is life inside of you and it is the most exciting time of your life right? Well, the other day I was laying down and  daydreaming about our babies, our future and getting excited about our life. I began to think about the past 17 weeks and how I had experienced great days, sad days, days where I felt pregnant, days where I felt fat, days where everything made me laugh, and days that everything made me cry. I discovered just how fascinating and detailed being pregnant and preparing for life truly is. I started to see a pattern between my physical babies and my spiritual babies, my children and my dreams.

BJ has always said, "what God does in the natural he also does in the supernatural." I thought about that while I was laying down and God began to show me the parallel between what He is birthing in my naturally and what He is birthing in me supernaturally. So, maybe you are not pregnant with twins like me, but I know that God is conceiving dreams, purposes, visions, inside of you that are in a process of being birthed. 

When I first had a thought that I was pregnant, I went to a website entitled, "You Know You Are Pregnant When." It had a listing of symptoms that if you had been experiencing, the chances of you being pregnant were likely. It also went on to talk about the early stages of pregnancy, and just how important and critical it was to take care of your body if you were in fact pregnant.


So, if you have any of these symptoms, the chances that you are pregnant, spiritually is likely!


1.) You are being STRETCHED- Are you in an uncomfortable season? Are you feeling like you are being stretched in ways you didn't think you could? Well, being stretched is a critical part of pregnancy... you need ROOM for your dreams to grow! 


2.) You are feeling FATIGUED- Are you feeling so excited about your future, your dreams that you feel stuck and unable to move? Are you feeling like you are having a hard time being motivated to pursue the things inside of you? Resting is an essential part of pregnancy, it is your quiet place where God can speak to you! 


3.) You are feeling IMPATIENT- Are you on a countdown to see what you have dreamed about come to pass? The process of your dream is essential. Dreams who go full term do NOT need to be sustained by other things and resources, but are healthy and fully developed. Going to the doctor today and starting to push is NOT the best thing for your dream...enjoy the process!!!


4.) You are feeling EMOTIONAL- Are your emotions all over the place? Not only are you changing spiritually, but you are changing mentally. Your old mind sets, ways of thinking must change in order for you to fully embrace your future. Don't view this as a negative thing, but rather what is necessary for you to sift out what is God, what is not! If you are feeling insecure in yourself or your dream, remember just because you can't always feel a kick doesn't mean you are not pregnant. TRUST!


5.) You are experiencing CRAVINGS- Often times your body begins to crave things you are lacking. What are you craving? As you prepare to birth what is inside of you, it is important that you fuel yourself with HEALTHY things as well as raise your caloric intake "spiritual intake" in order to nourish your dream. What worked before will not work in this season! 


* CAUTION* If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, your chances of being pregnant are likely. Being pregnant with a God dream will not always feel awesome and amazing, but there is a necessary process you must go through in order to see your dreams birthed healthy, secure, not lacking anything! Seek Him, have confidence in what he has spoken, don't remove yourself from uncomfortable situations, and most of all be EXCITED....because you are PREGNANT!!!


"Your dreams are your offspring."- Jentezen Franklin

I gotta TAIL you something FUNNY!!!!

To say last week was CRAZY would totally be an understatement! You know the saying, "when it rains it pours?" Ha, well that is how it has been here! Crazy! Crazy! Crazy! Last week was filled with so many emotions. Feelings of hurt, disappointment, doubt, betrayal, relief, excitement, peace.... So, as you can see, crazy just doesn't really depict the week I had. That's what I love about Sundays! For me, Sundays means church time and that means I can be refreshed, renewed, and encouraged about my present situation and my future. This past week was a BIG week for New Journey Church (the church BJ and I currently serve) It was our LAUNCH service at the new location.. so to say Sunday was crazy would again be an understatement. (But it was crazy in a good way! The atmosphere was filled with so much excitement and expectation from the staff and volunteers) New faces, old faces, happy faces, tanned faces, young and old began to fill the theater and I just knew it was going to be an amazing service... and it was!!!!

Service was coming to an end and I needed to use the restroom. These days my trips to the bathroom are a lot more frequent so I decided to get it out of the way before everyone was dismissed. As I walked back into the theater, I hesitated to walk back down to my seat (which was on the front row) because I didn't want to be a distraction. As they were closing in prayer I figured it was a perfect time to make my way back to the front so I could grab my things. As I got down to the front, a young lady made a B-line towards me, wrapped her arm around my shoulder, and whispered in my ear, "you have something hanging from your butt." I looked over my shoulder to find a loooooonnnnggg piece of toilet paper hanging from my jeans. I tried pulling the paper from under my shirt, only to find out that the piece that was hanging out was only half of the piece that was in my pants! I quickly shoved the toilet paper underneath my shirt and did a quick glance to see who just saw this happen. Well, remember all those new faces I was talking about, those old faces, tanned faces, happy faces? Well they were all now surprised faces!! I began laughing hysterically and I could feel my face turning as red as a tomato. Just then my father in law introduced BJ and I to the congregation letting them know that we are his kids and that we are the newest members to the staff there at New Journey... So now all of those people knew exactly who I was. 

I rushed out to the bathroom to take care of my situation and as I walked out to the foyer I was greeted by the people who just seen that happen. Each person came out to tell me one of their most embarrassing moments that they had experienced, trying to make me feel like "I wasn't the only one" It was just too funny. I was still laughing uncontrollably! 

As we were driving home, a refreshing thought came to my mind... "sometimes in life you are going to have toilet paper hang from your but & that's OK!" I was going into that service expecting one thing and I walked away with something else. Life isn't meant to be lived out so seriously and sometimes you just have to learn to laugh hysterically when things don't happen your way, or listen to the silly stories of others to understand that you are not alone! 

People say that when life gives them lemons they have learned to make lemonade... well for me, life gave me toilet paper and I'm OK with that! 




FOR CLARIFICATION: Anytime I use a public restroom I "waste" a lot of toilet paper by throwing the piece that is hanging away... I usually throw away a huge piece (it's one of those things I do)  SO, the piece that was hanging from my butt was not USED toilet paper LOL


***Also, I am so very thankful that that young lady told me rather than letting me walk around like a crazy woman! If someone has something in their nose, on their butt, or even smelly breath... tell them!!!! :))

What's your most embarrassing story? If you would like to share your story with me and others, just leave it in the comment below.. I can't wait to read and laugh with you!!!

It doesn't always make sense, but it always works out for our good -P2

So, why does God allow us to go through hard times? Why does he allow pain, hurt, dissapointment to be a part of our lives? Why does he allo bad things to happen to good people?

I know that I am not the only person who has asked these questions. There have been many times in my life where things just didn't make sense to me... I didn't understand why things where happening either to me or to the people I love and care about. This time, it was no different to me... Why did God allow me and BJ to lose our first baby? Why didn't he step in and heal me? Wouldn't that make more sense? It was a few days after the surgery, and I was laying down in my bed and was led to  

ROMANS 8:28- "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose." (NIV) 


In all things.... GOD WORKS.... in all things.... GOD WORKS.... that means in the good times... HE WORKS, in the bad times.... HE WORKS... in all things... GOD WORKS.


The Bible is filled with dedicated, God fearing, on fire, children of God who accomplished great things for the kingdom of God, but every story is coupled with times of uncertainty, times of trial, and times of pain. In this life we are going to face things that do not seem fair and when we give our lives over to God, it does not exempt us from such pain or tragedy. When we surrender our lives to God, we are simply giving Him the power and the ability to WORK on our behalf. In JOHN 16:33 we are warned of trouble, but also promised to be over comers- " In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world." God is always looking to work on our behalf because he LOVES us! 


No, it doesn't always make sense, but it does always work out for our good. Trials draw us nearer to God. They, teach us, mold us, shape us, and prepare us for the life God has for us. I don't remember a time in my life where I have learned something or advanced in my life when things where going well. But it has been in the times of pain and disappointment when I grew stronger and wiser. The enemy puts tragedy into our lives in hopes to steal, kill, and destroy us, but when we stand on God's word and His promises that "He will never leave us nor forsake us," we guarantee victory! Not matter the outcome, no matter the results, GOD WORKS! He is sovereign and is able to do the impossible. Every time we walk through tough situations, we are stronger and more able to face what lies in front of us. 


If only the enemy knew that you were going to be stronger, wiser, greater, and more equipped after you have been tried, I don't think he would continue to challenge, and attack the children of God. God allows things to happen to us because He has faith in us, we have been made in the image of God and "no weapon formed against us will prosper." God wants to do the miraculous in each of us, but miracles are birthed out of tragedy and uncertain situations. I knew that God was going to get the final say in my situation, I knew that he was going to do the miraculous.... I just didn't know it was going to be a few months later with TWINS! 


Whatever it is that you are going through or have gone through or about to go through know that in ALL things..... GOD WORKS! 

JAMES 1 says this: "Faith Under Pressure: Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides.You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way."

God's desire is for us to be victorious! He is for you! He is for me! 


HERE IS A SONG THAT MINISTERED TO ME DURING THIS TIME OF MY LIFE
  "You Are For Me." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7tCXObtC_fk 

 

It doesn't always make sense, but it always works out for our good

I first want to thank each of you who took the time to read my very first (of many) BLOGS... I was so overwhelmed by your response and I look forward to many more conversations, comments, and chats about my BLOGS to come.. I have always loved writing; in fact I am at the beginning stages of writing my first book! I am however, so very critical of my writing and often waaaay over think every sentence... books, magazines, blogs, the WORD of God have helped me and shaped me into the woman I am today. What really inspired me to write blogs was a conversation I had a few months ago with my cousin Monica... it was a conversation I had with her during one of the most challenging and tragic times of my life....

A few months ago, my husband and I found out we were pregnant!!!! It was the scariest, most amazing, feeling I had ever felt... I can remember it as if it were yesterday, me sitting in front of BJ (my hubby) holding a pregnancy test making sure I DID in fact see two lines. I was so surreal and so incredible. All I could do was laugh. I had always seen it on movies when the couple find out they are expecting and I had seen my friends and family experience this moment, but this time it was me. So many questions filled my mind; are we ready for this? Are we old enough to have babies? Is this going to forever change our lives? Are our parents going to freak out? For what seemed like forever, BJ and I sat in our living room and smiled, cried, and kept pinching ourselves because what we had just found out didn't seem real. We prayed that God would watch over my body and that "no weapon formed against us would prosper." We knew that this baby was so much more than just a child, but that it was a promise from God.

We wanted to tell our family first so we had to go back to work and pretend as if nothing life-changing had just happened moments ago. I, of course, immediately got online and began to read all about what was happening in my body, how big the baby was, etc... It was so much fun looking at all that was happening inside my body. BJ and I were on cloud 1000! My in-laws were out of town so we wanted to wait to tell them in person, which meant we had to wait to tell my parents and our friends... you know, it was impossible to keep such amazing news a secret so we told our closest friends. It was so amazing seeing their faces when we told them.

A few days later, I experienced some spotting and it was like a huge wave of fear came over me. I immediately told BJ what was a matter. I knew something wasn't right. When I told him what was happening we both decided we were not going to jump to any conclusions and run to the hospital. We didn't want to start this pregnancy off in fear. We had our first appointment just a few days later and so we decided to wait until then to speak with a doctor. Out of all the emotions we had experienced throughout those few days, not one time did I fear something was going to happen to my baby. I continued to pray and believe for the very best. I have always had strong faith in God, and not someone who is fearful. That Sunday morning, I went to church, but left during the service with severe cramping. I knew something wasn't right so we decided to go to the Emergency Room.

It was like a really bad dream that I couldn't get out of. Doctors and nurses coming in and out of the room where I was, drawing blood, running tests;  all saying something was wrong without saying anything. The whole time we prayed and declared God's word over me and the baby. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that everything was going to be OK. The doctor came in and told us that I was going to have to go into emergency surgery because they believed that I was having a tubal pregnancy. I remember it as if it were yesterday, I looked at BJ and told him to call every person we knew to pray! As the doctors left us alone for a few, we prayed like we had never before and had NO DOUBT everything was going to work out.

It was a matter of moments and I was ready and prepped for surgery. It was so scary. I had never gone to the hospital for anything, never had an IV, so all of what was happening was so overwhelming. BJ called our family and friends. In one breath he announced that we were pregnant and in the other he told them why he was calling. A few of my friends and my pastor met me in the room before they sent me in for surgery. We prayed and believed God for the miraculous.

About an hour later I was coming out of surgery and I asked the doctor what happened. He told me that it was in fact a tubal pregnancy and that they had to remove the baby. The first thing that came out of my mouth was, "I don't understand." I was immediately reminded of a morning I spent praying a few months before that. I woke up one early morning crying. I didn't know why I was crying, except I felt as though someone had passed away. I couldn't shake it so I got up, made myself some coffee and began to pray. I started praying for my family, my friends, my husband, my life, etc and all of a sudden the only words that came out of my mouth was "I Trust You" I kept saying that over and over and over. 
So, as I was being taken out of the OR, I heard the Holy Spirit ask me, "Sarah, do you trust me?" and all that kept coming out of my mouth was, "Lord I trust you, Lord I trust you." It didn't make sense nor did I really want to say that I trusted God, but deep within me I did.

It was the hardest thing I had ever been through, and the most challenging time of my life. The days to come were difficult as I was not only healing physically, but also mentally and spiritually. I had moments where I was OK, and then moments where I would just cry. Our friends and family, our pastors and church family rallied behind us and were there for us every step of the way. They encouraged us and believed with us that all things were going to work out for our good. I remember one conversation in particular that I had with one of my friends and we got on the topic of Job. We were talking about how Job went through so much trial and that he lost everything, but God gave him double. I had heard this story many times and I usually talked about it when someone was going through a tough time. We so often use it to encourage people that God is faithful and that he will give us more! But at that time of my life I saw this story so differently. I asked my friend, "what if Job didn't want double, but he just wanted what he had?" What was so significant about God giving Job double and not so significant about him just letting him have what he had? What was the purpose of allowing what happened to us take place. I knew that God was able to prevent what happened to us but he allowed it...why?

In my next blog I will continue on this thought and show why things don't always make sense, but how they ALWAYS work together for OUR GOOD!

* I write my story in detail because what I have gone through shouldn't remain a secret but instead it should be shared... God has brought me sooo far from when this stroy took place, and even writing about it makes it all seem so real and very emotional again. Thank you for reading my story... can't wait for next week's BLOG!